India Uncut

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Saturday, July 29, 2006

Toes v Cows

Formerly Blood-Squirting Toe and Previously Injured Toe curled up and looked straight at me. I put away the TV remote. "What is it now?" I asked.

"How come you blog about cows all the time, but never about toes?" asked Previously Injured Toe.

"Yes," said Formerly Blood-Squirting Toe. "Always cows this and cows that, and see my pretty cows, well, what about toes? If you had no toes you wouldn't be able to walk, or attract women. Cows fulfill no such role in your life."

"We demand an explanation," said Previously Injured Toe.

I breathed out. "Ok boys," I said. "Now let me ask you something. Have you heard of the Russian man who asked permission from Vladimir Putin to marry a toe?"

"Er," said Previously Injured Toe. "No."

"Damned right you haven't," I said. "That's because it was a cow. He wanted to marry a cow, not a toe.

"And here's more," I continued. "Have you heard about the agricultural show where everyone turned up to see toes, and this hot woman suddenly did a striptease with a pole?"

"Um," said Former Blood-Squirter. "No."

"Darn right you haven't," I barked. "Because everyone went there to see cows, not toes.

"And," I continued, pressing my point home, "have you heard about the chappie who got arrested recently for sucking a girl's cow in a public library?"

"Erm, no," said Previously Injured Toe.

"Damn right you haven't," I snapped. "The fellow got arrested for sucking a toe, not a cow. A toe. Everybody thinks toes are disgusting."

Previously Injured Toe and Former Blood-Squirter looked at one another here, and began to curl back down. Almost as an afterthought, Former Blood-Squirter curled back up and said, "Um, sorry to bother you and all that, but we, we, we dreamed of the day that you will end a post with the words, 'Previous posts on toes.' Ah, never mind."

"Hmm," I remarked. "I'll see what I can do."

(First cow link via email from Wraye Wenigmann, second cow link via email from Nazim Khan.)

Previous posts on cows: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31 , 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46.

Previous posts on toes: 0.5, 1, 2, 3, 4.
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