India Uncut

"President's website sets a new record," screamed the Sify headline. On reading that, I instantly rushed over to the president's website, which reportedly got 2.4 million hits on September 12, somewhat more than my own supposedly well-read blog. What could it be, I wondered, that drives readers to Mr Kalam's blog while I'm putting up such lovely posts about cows?

After strenuous investigations lasting more than a minute, I have concluded it's the poems. Consider the gem titled "Our mission is water," which Mr Kalam ends with the immortal lines:

Oh humanity why not your hearts confluence
And you blossom with happiness.

I kid you not. And then there's the poem titled "Soaring Dream," which begins:

Fabulous air show of Paris in motion
My thought too in flight and yearns for my Nation
When will the planes designed in my land
Pierce the sky as lightening in action

This one ends with the line, "Sky can?t be limit for my nation in action !!" And consider "I am the Indian Ocean," which begins thus:

Surge of my waves and their mystical themes
Embracing Bombay and Dar-es in hold
We all belong to the cradle of earth
Same human civilization pervades us all
Generations of life in these lands were like waves
Rising and falling and melting in time baobabs and
Banyans stood witness to these cycles

No, no, it's not all an elaborate joke, this really is APJ Abdul Kalam's poetry, and I think it should be abundantly clear what the driving force of traffic to his site is: disbelief. I myself will go there eight times a day now, read his poems, and think, "This is our president?"

Previous posts on APJ Abdul Kalam: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

(Previous posts with Purplocity/Verniness: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.)

I had been appalled at APJ Abdul Kalam's attempts to keep himself out of the scope of the Right to Information Act, as had others. Well, the UPA government has now sensibly shot down his suggestions. It has stated, correctly, that "the claim of immunity and privilege has to be based on public interest."

Mr Kalam gets his salary from taxpayers' money, and it is a pity that people in prominent political positions forget to whom their loyalties should lie. We have the right to know what is being done with our money, and Mr Kalam's attempt to curtail that right was disgraceful, coming from someone who is nominally our head of state. Thankfully, he has been shown his place.

Vikrum Sequeira writes:

You can learn a lot about a culture through an examination of the vernacular. In Latin American Spanish a person from India is called a hindú. Indio, which means Indian, refers to an indigenous person. I have read Spanish-language newspapers that have published sentences like, “Abdul Kalam, el presidente hindú, dijo que…” (trans: “Abdul Kalam, the Hindu President, said that…” ) or “Manmohan Singh, el prime ministerio hindú, declaró que la India...” (trans: “Manmohan Singh, the Hindu Prime Minister, declared that India…”). This is especially ironic considering that Kalam is Muslim and Singh is Sikh!

In the rest of his post, "How do you say Brazilian in Hindi?", Sequeira examines how one can gain insights into the cultures of the Latin American countries by how they refer to Indians. A fascinating post. (Link via Dilip.)

What can one say about our remarkable president? The best headline I have ever seen while on an aeroplane: Kalam wants to see Indian on Mars. (See screenshot here if the link doesn't work.)

I don't want to spoil the moment by asking what purpose will be served by such an accomplishment, or whose tax money will pay for it. I would simply like to suggest a candidate for the honour of being the first Indian on Mars: Mr Kalam himself. What a fine ambassador he would make! How wonderfully he would charm any little green men that may be there with his powerful poetry!

And no, I'm no longer pissed at him for asking that the RTI Act not apply to him despite the fact that we pay his salary. There are other targets for that outrage now, and buffoonery is somewhat more excusable than deceit.

APJ Abdul Kalam, India's president, has come out with some tips on how parents can prevent their kids from becoming druggies. "Parents have to ensure that the child is kept fully physically and mentally occupied for 18 hours a day," he told PTI, "including the study period in class." Furthermore, he advised that "parents have to pour their parental love and be watchful."

As if they store it in a bottle. I find Kalam hugely banal, if banality can at all be huge, and I thought his attempts to limit the scope of the Right to Information Act last year exposed what a shallow thinker he is. He does provide amusement, though, with quotes like these, and he really should start a blog sometime.

As for keeping those kids "occupied for 18 hours a day," hey, this could help!

How do you deal with the intransigent president of a neighbouring country? You bore him. Rediff reports that Pervez Musharraf, during his visit to India, found that a lunch meeting with Abdul Kalam, India's president, stretched into a private educational seminar. The report says:

After welcoming his guest and exchanging pleasantries, the scientist-statesman took the general to his personal room and invited him to take a look at some of the projects he had been working on. In a few minutes, the two presidents were looking at the Rashtrapati's computer, which had details of his Providing Urban Amenities in the Rural Areas scheme. In the 25-minute presentation, President Kalam explained to the visiting leader how his project will bring about a change in the lives of the rural poor.

After that was over, the report says, "the two leaders discussed the changing world and how peace was important for the two nations to march forward". Kalam told Musharraf:

Place the confidence-building measures in a goodwill basket and see the eggs nurture. We should harness or direct our energy to nurture goodwill and ensure that no third party is allowed to enter or damage it.

I can imagine Musharraf coming away from this meeting and being greeted by Manmohan Singh.

"Did he tell you about the eggs you have to nurture?" asks Manmohan, grinning wickedly.

"Yes," sighs Musharraf. "After Agra I was 1-0. Now it's 1-1. Sigh. Wail. Weep."

"There there, Mush" says Manmohan, patting Musharraf on the head. "Don't worry, we'll go watch some cricket. One over of Nehra to Afridi, and you'll feel a lot better."

... was in 1956, going by this account.

I wonder which film it was. One of these? Or Pather Panchali? Or maybe he saw the first version of 1984 and said to himself, "Scary shit. I'm not watching a film ever again, and I'll never have anything to do with government. Never."

Prabhu wonders why Abdul Kalam needs to do an aerial survey of the flood-affected areas of Tamil Nadu. What practical purpose will it serve?

Good question.

Business Standard rightly berates APJ Abdul Kalam for keeping himself out of the scope of the Right to Information Act.

APJ Abdul Kalam finds exceptions in the people's right to know what is being done with their money.

That's what our president, APJ Abdul Kalam, said when he got to eat his favourite dish in Iceland.

I tell you, these stories they report.

IS Bindra, the guiding spirit of Punjab cricket, is asked by some reporters about rumours that Pakistan’s president, Pervez Musharraf, may be coming to watch the Mohali Test. “He is a head of state,” says Bindra. “It is not in my jurisdiction to invite a head of state. That is for Abdul Kalam or Manmohan Singh to do.”

He is excited about the few thousand other Pakistanis due to visit, though. “This city will see a carnival,” he says. “You know the Goa Carnival? Chandigarh will see something like that.”