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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Which chimp dunnit?
AHN reports:
Chimp Detective: Chimp No. 1, what were you doing on the night of conception?
Chimp No. 1: Sir, I was watching TV. They got this reality show with some humans who behave like us, and...
Chimp Detective: Enough! That is a credible story. Chimp No. 2, where were you?
Chimp No. 2: I was blogging, sir, in the computer cage. I was writing a post about cows.
Chimp Detective: Hugely believable. And Chimp No. 3, what were you up to?
Chimp No. 3: Sir, I was behaving like a typical chimp outside, picking fights with my friends, harrassing the females, being generally rowdy.
Chimp Detective: Chimp No. 3, it has become clear to me that you are the culprit. Everything you have described is typical human behaviour. A mere chimp could not have done it. [To the cops standing by.] Arrest this chimp!
(Link via email from Prabhu.)
Authorities at Caddo Parish's Chimp Haven have decided to conduct a DNA test on all its retired male chimps after a female chimp delivered a baby despite every male being vasectomized.Really, there should be chimp detectives who can speak chimp language and investigate these kinds of serious crimes. I can imagine this chimp detective lining up three suspects:
The 40-year-old female chimp Teresa, who's been at Chimp Haven for the past year and a half, surprised the authorities after she appeared with a newborn chimpanzee in her arms.
Chimp Detective: Chimp No. 1, what were you doing on the night of conception?
Chimp No. 1: Sir, I was watching TV. They got this reality show with some humans who behave like us, and...
Chimp Detective: Enough! That is a credible story. Chimp No. 2, where were you?
Chimp No. 2: I was blogging, sir, in the computer cage. I was writing a post about cows.
Chimp Detective: Hugely believable. And Chimp No. 3, what were you up to?
Chimp No. 3: Sir, I was behaving like a typical chimp outside, picking fights with my friends, harrassing the females, being generally rowdy.
Chimp Detective: Chimp No. 3, it has become clear to me that you are the culprit. Everything you have described is typical human behaviour. A mere chimp could not have done it. [To the cops standing by.] Arrest this chimp!
(Link via email from Prabhu.)
