India Uncut

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Saturday, December 02, 2006

Aishwarya Rai to marry a tree?

MSN reports on Aishwarya Rai's supposed upcoming marriage with Abhishek Bachchan:
[B]efore tying the knot with Abhi, Ash may have to perform some complex ceremonies and rituals. According to a tabloid report, Ash may have to undergo a ‘Kumbh Vivah’ before marrying Abhishek. This ritual is mandatory, as Ash is believed to be a manglik.

As part of the Kumbh Vivah, she may have to marry a peepal or banana tree before her marriage with Abhi.
Many possible scenarios exist as to what could happen, none more ridiculous than the news itself.

1. The Peepal tree puts a branch around Aishwarya as soon as the marriage is done, and refuses to let her go.

"She's my lawfully wedded wife now," the tree says, "and I'll have my way with her."

2. The tree and Aishwarya act in a film together. The tree acts better.

3. In 2014, Aishwarya find her second child eating a sapling. "Stop, Munna," she screams, "that's your elder brother you're eating."

4. Eventually Aishwarya enters politics. "I'm a Peepal person," she announces in her first interview.

5. Salman Khan, after valiant efforts to get the Peepal tree's mobile number, finally gives up.

(Link via email from Arjun Swarup.)

Update: Angshuman writes in:
[R]emember to identify the species of tree when you spot Ash and Abhi running around a tree in a movie. If it's Peepal, rest assured you are seeing a half-decent musical threesome rather than a harmless romantic song.
Yes! Suddenly those films will have nuance.
amit varma, 1:54 AM| write to me | permalink | homepage

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