India Uncut

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Friday, June 02, 2006

Alluring pics, gurkha guards and Jiah Khan

I've been terribly busy of late, with only one post in the last 24 hours. And, as at all such times when I can't post five times a day, my pageviews fell a fair bit. How does that happen? Are readers, like, telepathic? Or do they have browser plug-ins which alert them when I post, so they don't come otherwise? Strange. You demanding chaps will be the death of me.

Anyway, here's a bunch of links that would have been the basis of full posts had there been 82 hours in a day:

First up, Desi Pundit has got a new look. And not just that, they've put up contributor pics, so you can see how terribly dashing my friend Patrix is, and how wickedly alluring my friend Neha is, and that my friend Vulturo wanted to join the army at the time that picture of his was taken. Yes, yes, they're my friends. Don't you wish you had friends like that?

Second up, we have this excellent post called "Wrong target Mr Mehta" by someone who mistakenly calls himself "Confused." You got to be kidding me. If that chap is confused, I'm Hema Malini. Anyway, Vinod Mehta had written this bizarre piece last week, that included gems like "India’s smug, selfish, self-centred, satiated middle class, fattened on the fruits of the booming economy, is positively hostile to any policy which sets out to empower the poor." Heh. I couldn't make up my mind whether it was worth responding to such a self-evidently absurd generalisation -- you could say I was confused, heh -- and just when I'd decided ki chalo, let's have some fun, young Confused wrote this terrific post that I wish I'd written. (Link via email from Gaurav.)

Third up, I discover via Ultrabrown that David Beckham recently threw a party that was a flop "[d]espite months of planning and the hiring of a band of Gurkha guards."

I can imagine Beckham calling his security agency and telling the chap there, "Hey, send over a truckload of gurkha guards for my pardy. I want to pardy, pardy, pardy."

The morning of the party three robust ladies turn up at the gate. Beckham asks, "Wassup ladies, who are you?"

They reply, "We're the burkha guards. Where are your burkhas? We will guard them."

Sorry. See, this kind of shit will lose me even more pageviews. Why do I even write?

Fourth up, Lalu Prasad Yadav meets Jeff Immelt. I wonder what their baby would look like. Given the state of Bihar, he'd probably form a company called General Powercut.

Fifth up, PCWorld has released its list of the 100 best products of the year. Amit Agarwal reveals that he uses 16 of them; I use only eight. I will soon use a ninth, but that will mean migrating from one of the eight I already use. Can you guess what I'm talking about?

Sixth up, 18-year-old Jiah Khan thinks Amitabh Bachchan is "incredibly sexy." Mid Day informs us that "[i]n between shots, she plays chess with Amitabh." Yeah, right, I can imagine her giggling madly as he makes jokes about mating. "Tee hee," she goes. "Shabba khair," he announces to the world. "Take good care of yourself."

Seventh up, time's up. Take good care of yourself.
amit varma, 1:31 AM| write to me | permalink | homepage

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